“While my first recommendation is surrender, I also believe having a roadmap aids in the surrender by creating a sense of ease in the mind.” – Vaibhav G.
STAGE I
1. I am a person
I was born. The nature of my birth and my conditioning determines my life. I have accepted the identities imposed upon me by family and society unquestioningly. My religion, sex, nationality, education, career, habits, preferences and self image determine who I am. Thoughts are real. Emotions are real. My life is designed by my mind and I follow it unquestioningly.
2. I am the observer of my mind
Wisdom is dawning. I have realised that my mind does not have all the answers. The Me as I am is nothing but a composite carry forward of the influences of my past. The unquestioned mind brings suffering and I don’t know the way out.
Ah, I start with self-observation. This is the wisdom of the ages. Bolstered by the science of our times. I watch, take note and begin to understand the movement of my mind.
Still pulled along often by the momentum of the past, I am increasingly aware that I am lost in subconscious tendency. But occasionally, with increasing frequency, I seem to have the ability to choose right action or inaction.
I can “breathe” more freely now. Healings come. Space comes.
But I am still identified to a large extent with my conditioning.
Milestone 1 – Self Actualisation
3. I am an individual
With sustained practice and time, I know that I am not my mind. I am an Individual. Present to the movement of my mind and the minds of others. Fully available to the conditioning of my past, I am not moved by it. Preferences may or may not change. Tastes may or may not change. Lifestyle may or may not change. Opinions may or may not change.
But I have changed.
I do not “belong” to a family, a religion, a nation, an education, a profession or any identity of any sort. I am the observer of my identities and these identities dance their dance in the mirror of consciousness.
Practicing sitting observation everyday I notice the movement of my mind. Thoughts are thoughts. Emotions are emotions. Sensations are sensations. My neuro-biological design is what it is and creates a uniques life experience. But it isn’t an “I”. It is the design of the body and the mind but this design doesn’t design Me. I am the present observer of the mind.
My presence gives me a bearing other humans do not have. I am a leader not by force of ideology or energy, but by my ability to give space to ideas and energy. I am a leader by my ability to calmly absorb pressure and not be overwhelmed by the movement of knowledge. I am leader by my ability to not be overwhelmed by the movement of emotion. I am leader by my capacity of empathetic compassion. I am leader because of my Presence.
And yet, I am tied to this body-mind. I am still human. The words of the masters about universality or emptiness ring true but this is not my experience. I still feel embodied. Caged. I have risen above the noise of the people around me but I am not free from it.
I have begun to question this I. Is it real? Isn’t this presence the same presence in all beings? If this is so, why do I feel like this I is imprisoned by this body? What is awareness? What is consciousness? Who is God? Who am I? These kind of questions have begun to rule my existence. The movement of materialistic and/or spiritualistic society no longer fulfil me.
I WANT OUT!
My quest for meaning intensifies. I seek out teachers and teaching who can teach me a way out. I seek transmission of True Knowledge.
STAGE II
4. Soul Awakening
In a flash of lightning the earth beneath my feet has collapsed. All my ideas and pre-conceived notions have begun to crash. Something has shifted.
Awareness recognises itself as Awareness. The human remains as a tool in my limitless expanse but I recognise my Universal nature.
I am a Pure Soul. The perfect embodiment of the Divine Consciousness.
Such Bliss. Such Freedom. Such immense Love.
LIFE HAS MEANING!
I know this now. Without doubt, without question. No scientific theory can take this knowing away. No master or any other human of any kind can deny my universality. I am the embodiment of the Eternal Being.
But… alas…. This realisation has gone. Just as it came. Suddenly, without warning. I am back to being this small, obscure, miserable bag of piss and shit and opinions.
Oh wait, no, yes, it is back. I am a pure soul….phew… fuck…. That was harsh… the Fall from grace!
I fluctuate between my human and soul nature. Rising to heaven. Falling to hell. Again and again. No more, no more.
What do you choose asks the Divine? Me or you?
I answer…. You my Lord, only You! Take my sanity, my knowledge, my health, my wealth, my family, my friends, my comforts, my dharma, my morals, my decency, my humanity…. Take them All… For I see that in you all angst is resolved, all questions answered. In you there is Love. In me there is War. I choose you!
I see those who have chosen themselves. Back to the comfort of their smallness. Back to the joys of family and friends. They seem happy on the surface. Maybe they are … who I am to judge, My life is harsh, turbulent as I transition into this new way of seeing, going through cycle after cycle of purification. They are safe, comforted in the Realness of their Ego and the life around them.
It seems unfair occasionally that I who have chosen you have to walk through the inferno and yet the asleep are so comfortable. But then every time the cycle of purification ends, the Bliss, the Joy of understanding. Such simplicity. Such Clarity. All doing surrendered. All decisions surrendered. So free. My life moves like a blade of grass in the wind.
I am on my way home to you, My Eternal Love!
5. Soul Stabilization
The storm subsides. Life is peaceful. I am functioning normally. I choose to walk the path, deepening my relationship with you. Some return to the old ways, externally. Back to their family and jobs. Many choose to change track, adopting a life of service to You. And yet they have seen and can’t be trapped again. The light of their Soul shines through all actions. It brings healing to those around them. Sometimes in very outright ways, sometime in subtle, unnoticed ways. Some become Saints. Other Reformers. Others serve in more humble ways. But they all serve only you.
But this isn’t my calling. I walk on. Seeking seeking…. The knots that tie me to my humanity remain. While I know of your presence, I seek something else. I seek merger.
I seek dissolution in you! I seek not to worship you but to become You. The calling is ancient. Undeniable. I see you so clearly as the background to all my action.
And yet…. I continue to miss you. Every cell in my body continues to scream for you. I miss you with every breath of my being. From the depths of my soul. Like how a drowning man screams for air , only thinks of air and wants nothing else but air… this is how I miss you!
Milestone 2 – Enlightenment
6. I AM THE ETERNAL BEING
I wake up this morning. The view has changed.
I am looking at the world and it is outside of me. An emanation from me. As a soul, I was living in the world and looking at the Divine. As the Divine, I am looking at my Soul nature and the World as an object in me, Consciousness.
When I experience my magnificence from the headspace, I am Universal Consciousness. Unbound Awareness. All things rise from me. All things subside in me.
I am Mind
I am Energy
I am Matter
I am The Eternal Being… The Untouched Witness to the movement of the Human and the movement of the Soul.
When I experience my beatitude from the heart, I am unconditional love. I hold all things and all being closely in my embrace. They are all held tightly in my arms. I know no restraint. I have no rules. I love. I LOVE! I do not love on human terms. I do not love by human morals. I do not love like the Pure Souls.
I love fiercely. Uninhibited. Sometimes destroying in love. Sometimes creating in love.
For I know I am the Eternal Empty Potentiality… and all that has arisen arises from me.
But… what is this dissatisfaction? There is a strange calling egging me on. Saying you aren’t done yet. How can I accept such a calling when the certainty of this realisation is well…. So certain!
But yes, if I am the Eternal Being, where did I come from? What allows me to know my own omnipresence?
In short, What Validates Consciousness?
7. The Sadhana of God
I now understand. I need the human. I need the soul. I need that articulation in order to answer the questions…. Who am I? Where did I come from? What is this strange dissatisfaction in my unlimited being?
I sit and wait. Holding the inquiry with total intensity. All I do day and night is Inquire.
Again and again, I ask.. what is Soul nature? What is god nature? Who am I?
Everyday, I am answered only by the emptiness of my own potentiality. The pull is into manifestation …. Not the direction I want to go in.
I sit. And I wait. And I wait.
8. The opening into the Unborn
And I sit. And I wait. And I am sitting…..
My questioning is intense. Like a laser beam cutting through the universe, it is sharp, focussed and yet patient…. Willing to wait for eternity itself to find its way home!
And then there is something new within my own being…. A BlackHole…. A Portal into Silence ….. Deep Deep Silence…. A question spontaneously arises….. What do you choose?
The being instinctively answers I choose Silence.
Everything disappears. God is no more.
STAGE III
9. Resting in the Absolute
Liberated I rest. My human, soul and universal nature all have come to completion. Time and Space have been eaten. Well… they never did exist in the first place you know.
There is nowhere else to go. I rest in the Absolute. All aspects of my being available and yet fully subsumed in the deep dark silence of pure rest.
Nothing was ever born. Nothing ever died. Even consciousness is just a figment of imagination.
The deep silent absence is so fulfilling. So peaceful.
The Eternal Non-Being from nothing ever arose….. I live here.
End of Stages and the “I”
There is nothing else to do. All is done. Some disappear. Some teach souls. Some save cats. Some live hedonistically. Some drink. Some dance. It really doesn’t matter. Its Done.
The more I rest in this space, the more I disappear.
There is no I left now.
A brilliant light cuts through the deep dark absence silence. Who or what this is, there is no-one left to ask!
Well… not yet! Maybe later … eh… who knows!